


Kismesis

by Farla



Category: Homestuck
Genre: BTF, F/M, Faygo, Troll Romance, rbtp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-01-01
Updated: 2011-01-01
Packaged: 2017-10-14 07:22:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/146817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Farla/pseuds/Farla
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: Sollux becomes Vriska's kismesis.<br/>Because Eridan's reaction would be fucking hysterical. I'm picturing him going through a series of "WTF"/enraged faces before going off to cry on Karkat's shoulder.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kismesis

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Anonymous](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Anonymous).



Sollux was more prone to brooding than venting these days, so Eridan found out about it when his station malfunctioned. He could use Trollian but trying to contact the kids on their lame messenger program resulted in the red screen of death. After yanking the plug for the third time he gave up and contacted Sollux.

TA: itt'2 2iimple  
  
TA: the connectiion parameter2 mu2t have an error  
  
TA: re2tartiing doe2n't affect the program 2iince iit2 2ettiing2 2ave.  
  
TA: hiit ctr-t two clear iit

Eridan did so. The program crashed. He scowled and clicked furiously on the icon.

CA: sol i thought wwe wwere done wwith that bullshit  
  
CA: im askin you for help here  
  
CA: to troll the kids like your boyfriend wwants  
  
CA: i dont need you sabotagin evverything i do  
  
TA: kk ii2n't my boyfriiend dumba22  
  
TA: when you hiit ctr where wa2 the key?  
  
CA: in the upper corner  
  
TA: fuck  
  
TA: ii'll be over

Sollux took one look at the keyboard, scowled, then quickly pried off the CTR and ESC keys, swapped them, then shoved them back onto the keyboard with a grinding click. "Someone's been switching keys on all the stations," he muttered sourly in explanation. He hit the newly replaced CTR key followed by T, opened up Trollian to verify it worked, then headed off again without another word to Eridan.

Weird. Eridan considered his fixed keyboard, shrugged, and began trolling one of the dumb kids. A little later he heard a string of profanity from Karkat and Sollux grudgingly heading past. More of the same? He opened up a chat with Kanaya to ask what she knew about it.

GA: It Is Nothing Of Particular Consequence  
  
GA: Merely A Mild Nuisance  
  
GA: Though Sollux Seems Quite Riled Over It  
  
CA: wwell cant he tell whos doin it by who isnt havvin trouble  
  
GA: The Perpetrator Has Thought Ahead  
  
GA: Sollux Checked Through Yesterday  
  
GA: Everyone's Keyboard Has Been Altered At Least Once  
  
GA: The Perpetrator Must Have Returned To Alter Yours Again  
  
GA: Tavros' Has Been Mutilated No Less Than Eleven Times Now  
  
GA: And I Would Not Be Surprised To Hear Him Discover That Number Is Twelve By Now

Eridan was coming back from the kitchen, drink in hand, when he was nearly knocked over by Sollux and then Vriska in close pursuit. "Sollux!" she yelled. "Get that stupid thing off my computer right now!"

"I'm sorry Vriska I'm too busy putting keyboards back together to fix whatever problem you have!"

"You weren't too busy to hack my computer you asshole!"

Eridan moseyed past her computer. The screen seemed normal. He ran one hand over the keyboard, hitting ones at random. When he struck 8, the screen suddenly flashed to a red-filtered image of a metal foot kicking Vriska's face in.

He thought seemed like an overreaction to something so minor, but Sollux hated having to fix computer problems and apparently manufactured problems were particularly enraging to him. That might have been an interesting fact if he ever entertained thoughts of kismesistude with Sollux but he had-

...no, no she wouldn't be interested in Sollux like _that_ , Eridan reassured himself. Sollux was far too pathetic to interest a girl like Vriska. She was way, way out of his league. He headed back to his own terminal.

There were no longer any real signs of time passing now that they were on the asteroid. The lights stayed on until someone turned them off and windows had showed nothing but empty void until the kids shuttered them all. What kept them on a similar schedule was that none of them liked being up alone and it was hard to stay asleep once most of the others were awake.

Normally, Eridan was one of the first to retire to his recuperacoon. He liked sleeping late and waking up on his own rather than to Karkat raging at someone about something, but today he'd spent time scrolling around one of the human's timelines, watching her battles. They were just oddly shaped guns that happened to _look_ like wands, he was sure. The humans were so frivolous with their alchemiters...but he had to admit they were kind of cool, even if he'd never be caught dead admitting he missed FLARP games after everything they'd been through...By the time he looked up he realized everyone else had left for their rooms.

He closed the viewport and walked toward his room. When he was halfway there Karkat walked around the hallway corner in a sluggish, oblivious trot, smeared with sopor slime from head to foot and with a jugs of Fargo in either hand. The sound of his sticky footsteps and sloshing drink were the only sounds in the corridor.

There was no way Vriska was going through all this trouble for a late night drink. Eridan pressed himself to the wall to let Karkat pass without bumping into him and watched the other troll stop in front of Sollux's room. It wasn't locked.

Curious as he was, Eridan wasn't about to follow him into there. He did edge closer, standing right next to the open door. From there, he could hear the sound of the bottles thunking softly to the ground, the sound of a bottle cap seal breaking as it was twisted open, then the other. There was another faint sloshing sound followed by the distinctive glub-glubbing of two upended bottles being dumped, drowned out seconds later by Sollux's indignant yelps and the sound of someone getting tossed into a wall.

Discretion was the better part of valor, so Eridan retreated before the psychic boy started looking around for other people to blame. This was revenge for the 8-key business, clearly. Nothing more than that. Vriska was always getting revenge on someone.

That's what he told himself until next lunch. Sollux had come to the kitchen later than the rest as usual, and Eridan had finished eating slower than most as usual. Kanaya had left some sandwiches out for everyone. He was just leaving when he saw Sollux's expression go blank and his hand shift to the side, grabbing a weird, flat sandwich that didn't show any sign of its filling. He bit into it.

The sound of spitting made Eridan turn around. Sollux was gagging, staring in horror at the sticky yellow goo oozing from between the bread.

Vriska was grinning from ear to ear. "Iiiiiiiisn't it nice?" she drawled. " I got the code juuuuuuuust for you! I know you can't eat reeeeeeeeal mind honey but the humans have this other kind that tastes just like it! You looked so down so I thought being reminded of-"

Sollux sputtered in rage, psychic energy tossing her halfway across the room and then picking up one of the tables. She raised her hand to her head and the table dropped back down again before it could be thrown at her, then got to her feet, but then Sollux rose into the air and shot toward her...

Eridan hit the side of the doorway once, then opened the door and entered.

"Look I already said - oh, you," Karkat said from the couch. He looked like he'd been watching some movie. "You know there isn't any point in knocking if you just come in anyway, asshole."

Eridan slumped down next to him. "It's like Feferi all over again," he said.

"...Oh."

"She said she was taking a break from all that stuff...That's what she told me...Why do I always lose to _him_?

"This is about the stuff she's been pulling?" Karkat rubbed his shoulder, looking annoyed by the reminder.

He shook his head. "I just saw them," he confided miserably. "She tricked him into thinking he'd eaten mind honey. When I left they were...strangling each other."

The other boy's expression finally became sympathetic. "Oh man. I'm sorry, dude. That's rough." He patted Eridan on the back.

Eridan hugged him back. Karkat stiffened a bit and kept patting, hoping he'd let go again. Dealing with romance had been a lot easier when it was over Trollian. "So...uh...Look," he said, "I know you've been interested in Vriska for a long time now -" Eridan made a muffled sob into his sore shoulder. "Um, but maybe you two just weren't meant to be! You're big on commitment but she's always had a lot of irons in the fire. A lot of one-night-hates. But, uh, she's not the only eel in the ocean."

"I jus don know," Eridan mumbled into his shoulder. "I've always hated landwellers but with Vriska, it was different, you know?"

"Eridan you need to try playing the field! Stop letting this crush hold you back so much. You're really very hateable. Even Kanaya finds you annoying! And Terezi's always calling you names when you're not around."

"I've hated her for so long..."

"I know, I know..." Karkat said, trying his best to sound soothing. "But you can't pine after her forever. I'm sure you'll find someone who'll hate you back."

Eridan pulled back, to Karkat's momentary relief, to stare into the other boy's face. "But not you," he said.

Karkat flushed. "It's not..." he said lamely. "I just...I can't think about that kind of stuff right now," he said, "with the kids and organizing our trolling efforts...You know. But I've always thought you were a huge jerk," he added.

"Thanks, Karkat."


End file.
